Monday, July 29, 2013
My Stress Reliever... Blogging
I may not be one with the best grammar skills in the history of mankind. I may have spelling mistakes and run on sentences, I may not be able to express myself in English that good since it is my second language only but in never stopped me from writing.
It always has been a stress reliever for me, I keep a journal for people to read when I am dead. I keep a journal for me with words of encouragement for my future self. It always been a help in times that I needed to just tell something even though no one is there to listen.
Recently, I have been under a lot of stress. I probably could take it if it was about work but it's not. More on my personal life. Something you can't just sleep over and it will be less of a problem the next morning. And I am quite sure it is taking its toll on my health as well. Maybe I just need to pass through this, and all will be well but as of the moment, I just can't. I didn't know how hard it is to try not to care, until you decided to not care at all. But deep inside, you know you still do anyway.
Life is hard, it's the little things that actually make it bearable. The smile of a child. A text of a love one. A call with an unexpected surprise. Little things that makes daily living worthwhile.
Although social networks have its disadvantages, if used politely and respectfully it has awesome perks as well. I just discovered WeChat app a few hours ago, it's like a walkie-talkie but for all over the world. :) You could send videos, you could send picture and text messages. It was awesome. Most of my friends are actually scattered all over the world. I have a few acquaintances here in the US some could be comparable on how close I am to my friends of over 15 years but most of the time people here they go home and they have lives of their own. Which i understand but these habits doesn't develop friends, only acquaintances.
I am feeling a bit depressed recently. Feeling weak and tired most of the time. I am not sure if its because I haven't been sleeping well, or am I not sleeping well because I am about to have a flare up of my Lupus. I am overweight, actually i am obese, and I can't do anything since I can't really exercise much since I get tired easily and need to catch my breath most of the time. I think I am feeling so depress because I feel so ugly. I don't see myself right now. It's this other me staring back whenever I look in the mirror. I feel ugly because I don't feel like myself. It's hard to understand. I tried. I tried to explain to myself why this is happening to me. But still, I don't feel myself.
It always has been a stress reliever for me, I keep a journal for people to read when I am dead. I keep a journal for me with words of encouragement for my future self. It always been a help in times that I needed to just tell something even though no one is there to listen.
Recently, I have been under a lot of stress. I probably could take it if it was about work but it's not. More on my personal life. Something you can't just sleep over and it will be less of a problem the next morning. And I am quite sure it is taking its toll on my health as well. Maybe I just need to pass through this, and all will be well but as of the moment, I just can't. I didn't know how hard it is to try not to care, until you decided to not care at all. But deep inside, you know you still do anyway.
Life is hard, it's the little things that actually make it bearable. The smile of a child. A text of a love one. A call with an unexpected surprise. Little things that makes daily living worthwhile.
Although social networks have its disadvantages, if used politely and respectfully it has awesome perks as well. I just discovered WeChat app a few hours ago, it's like a walkie-talkie but for all over the world. :) You could send videos, you could send picture and text messages. It was awesome. Most of my friends are actually scattered all over the world. I have a few acquaintances here in the US some could be comparable on how close I am to my friends of over 15 years but most of the time people here they go home and they have lives of their own. Which i understand but these habits doesn't develop friends, only acquaintances.
I am feeling a bit depressed recently. Feeling weak and tired most of the time. I am not sure if its because I haven't been sleeping well, or am I not sleeping well because I am about to have a flare up of my Lupus. I am overweight, actually i am obese, and I can't do anything since I can't really exercise much since I get tired easily and need to catch my breath most of the time. I think I am feeling so depress because I feel so ugly. I don't see myself right now. It's this other me staring back whenever I look in the mirror. I feel ugly because I don't feel like myself. It's hard to understand. I tried. I tried to explain to myself why this is happening to me. But still, I don't feel myself.
I need help. But there's not a lot of people I could ask help from. The only person who I want to get help from wants me to be less dependent and choose to ignore my little whims. My little whims, little things that makes daily living worthwhile. Learn not to care and just accept. Everything happens for a reason.
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