Frustrations - part 1

I know I have been slacking writing in my blog. I haven't been feeling good lately. Frustration after frustration comes.

I got my skin biopsy result last Monday. I don't know wether to take it as a good news or a bad news. I wanna look at it this way. The good news is I don't have discoid lupus (skin lupus). The bad news is I got something that is almost the same thing as lupus, psoriasis.

I haven't actually read anything about psoriasis so I don't actually know what I am dealing with. So I need to research about it too.

Speaking of research, I have been slacking on my research too. I want to do all this research so I will know more about what I have. But all I am able to read are also exactly what my doctors told me. What I already know. Which sucks. I want to read something new. I want to read advancement in this disease that I have. I know it's not deadly if well maintained but to have something that is not curable is like holding a bubble in your hand and trying not to pop it. Which eventually happens anyway. I feel fragile. I don't want to feel breakable.

I always thought I was immortal. Or at least I hope that I am. I want to try everything. I don't want to be held back just because I have lupus. But I have to for the moment. I have to wait. I have to get healthier. How long will it take? I don't know. With this "flare up" disease, I don't even know when or what will happen the next time I will get it.